I’m not a rubber ball…

Who decided that we should bounce back to what we were before? If that was natural order we would have never evolved.

It is really sad mourning who you were. Some do it better then others. Lets not forget misery likes company after all and a sad version of you is more comfortable then a new you. Allowing myself to feel excitement not fear is a big thing for me. I have always been a glass half full person, I never worried about things before they happened. All I do now is worry about things, ALL the things! It is totally new to me and its exhausting. I would love to bounce back to my former self but I can’t so I have to move forward.

You can’t live with the dead and I feel that part of me died the moment I was diagnosed. What I didn’t see that in the darkness a new me was reborn, like any newly birthed thing its weak and vulnerable. It needs feeding, loving, teaching and protecting so it can grow.

That is how I see myself. As delicate as a newborn. Growing by the day, getting stronger and stronger. I may not be who I was but I am excited to see who I become.

 

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